Fundie Fridays: Putting the “Fun” in Christian Fundamentalism
If you are anything like me, then one of the worst things to happen is getting into a media rut. I feel devastated when I’ve watched all my favorite YouTuber’s videos, finished a particularly gripping book series, or scroll through Netflix endlessly hoping for something new to pop up. Through this essay series “A Few of My Favorite Things,” a very obvious Sound of Music reference (wink, wink), I will be introducing some of my current favorite YouTubers, video games, books, current make-up obsessions among other topics. So, if you are interested in busting that media rut, look no further!
A little info about me, I was born and raised in a “fundie-lite” type environment, which for anyone wondering is a slightly less restricted form of Christian fundamentalism. I was homeschooled alongside my older brother and went to church several times throughout the week. The reason I refer to my childhood as fundie-lite is because my parents were not as extremist as other parents in our churches, and I was allowed to wear pants and have whatever length of hair I wanted. Moreover, once we reached our teenage years, we were allowed to pretty much watch and read whatever we wanted and could get our hands on in the public library. I spent the first twelve years of my life in Missouri before moving to Oklahoma for four years and then, finally, to South Florida for more years than I’d like to count. Since then, I have moved out of the US and my parents have relocated back to the Midwest.
I said all of that to preface what I am about to say: the ugliest side of Christian fundamentalism I have ever seen was in rural Oklahoma. Moving to small town Oklahoma from a relatively large city in the Midwest was a culture shock to say the least. Most of my religious trauma, but definitely not all, stems from that era of my life. Remembering back on those times in my life still brings back feelings of isolation, loneliness, and anxiety. The home school group was small and toxic. One mom was kicked out and basically black-listed from the homeschooling community because she dared to wear a bikini to a home school group pool party.
You see, my parents both had extremely traumatic and abusive childhoods. They grew up poor and vulnerable to the outside world. Our environment was everything they never had growing up- stable, sheltered, nurturing, and loving. Christian fundamentalism was the foundation that gave my parents the strength and support they needed to break the generational curses handed down to them from their parents. I do not blame them, they were vulnerable and desperate to “do right” by their children. Even still, I am angry, and that anger has to go somewhere.
I am angry at the churches that took in my parents and emotionally and spiritually manipulated them into conforming to their standards of right and wrong. My mom usually cried before and after spanking my brother and me with the wooden spoon. The other moms from church told her that if she loved us, then she would not “spare the rod.” I am angry that my parents took me to protests outside of Planned Parenthood centers; angry that the church leaders encouraged the young children (myself among them) to stand near the gate and cry out to the women entering the premises. We yelled things like “I am glad my mom did not abort me” and “I like being alive” or some similar bullshit. I am angry for having had scary hell dreams. I am angry at the church in Oklahoma that told us not to come back to their congregation because I wore jeans to service. Furthermore, I am angry that someone I had considered a friend told me that I was going to go to hell for cutting my hair short. Angry that the youth pastor repeatedly gave Sunday and Wednesday sermons about how “if God isn’t the number one priority in your life, then you are living wrong!” Angry that I gave up watching anime and reading manga because I was convinced that it was a priority in my life over God. I am angry that so many of my childhood friends made posts about how depression and anxiety are sins worthy of repentance because mental illness is just a symptom of “not trusting God enough.” I am angry for my friend, who confessed to me that she was not a virgin anymore because she had been raped as a child. For this and so much more, I am so fucking angry.
Beside my deep sense of rage at organized religion and the abuse perpetuated in “God’s name,” I am hurt more than anything else. Don’t get me wrong, I had a good childhood. I have happy memories alongside the painful ones. I have come to learn that almost nothing in life is black and white, despite what I was taught in the church. I am not an atheist or anything like that; my own faith is something personal, private, and definitely fluid. I feel immense amounts of shame about the people I knew in my childhood and adolescence who I had tried to evangelize, about the women I yelled at in front of planned parenthood, about so many other things I would rather not mention here.
At the beginning of the pandemic, someone from high school (yes, I did end up going to a public school for the last two years of high school) posted a link to a relatively new YouTube channel called Fundie Fridays. I do not even remember which video it was; I only remember the profound impact it had on me. Never have I felt so seen. My anger had been inwardly focused for so long; angry that I could not be the perfect Christian, angry that because I was not longer “pure” I would never find a Christian husband, angry that I felt so at odds between what I was supposed to believe and what I knew in my heart to be true.
Watching Jen and her partner James pick apart aspects of Christian fundamentalism in such a kind, respectful, and entertaining way was so therapeutic for me during my faith deconstruction journey. Faith deconstruction does not necessarily have to mean leaving your religion altogether or disowning all aspects of organized religion; in my opinion, faith deconstruction is simply the process of deciding which aspects of your faith are truly yours and which have been indoctrinated into you by organized religion.
Based on the comment section, many of the Jennonites (how Jen lovingly refers to her fan base) are also former fundies and/or on their own faith deconstruction journey. Despite not being religious themselves, both Jen and James do a fantastic job deep diving into the intricate and complex world of Christian fundamentalism. The videos come out every Friday, save every third Friday, as Jen needs a god-damn break sometimes, you know? Jen also usually does her make-up while talking about Christian fundamentalism, which means she is serving up hot looks while also deconstructing complex contemporary religious movements. Moreover, she and James have a bunch of cute animals who sometimes make cameos! They have great, high-quality merch that I have not been able to buy yet (but desperately want to!) and do fundraisers for abortion healthcare access.
If this topic interests you, or you are looking to put an end to a media rut, then I highly suggest checking her channel out! However, I do recommend that anyone going through faith deconstruction, religious trauma, and the like please seek therapy. Watching videos is therapeutic and healing, but does not replace actual mental healthcare, okay?
